Well, school’s been alright. The latest update regarding me is that i’ve been struggling with something recently. It’s a sin is all i’ll say. It’s something that i’ve been struggling with for a long time, just that it’s on and off. The scary thing is it’s become worse and worse. I doubt i’ll ever ever ever say what it is, it’s too embarrassing and i bet it’ll shock some people. Yup, it’s a skeleton in my closet, you can prolly find out when we’re in heaven though. However, do pray for me, i need it.

Another thing is, i’m not sure i’m going to continue blogging. I’m seriously thinking of taking up Pastor May’s suggestion about daily journaling (as in pen and paper kind). And also partly cos i’m a real lazy bum who finds it hard to find interesting things to blog about. (actually, not really, i’m just lazy. yeah, tt’s it)  So… I’m still considering. Not too sure. Unless i get a sudden interest in blogging again.. meh.

So for now, this is goodbye =)

“28 Dec., 09

Hello, I’m back once again. Yes, I realise that my blog entries are so few and far between that no one wants to read it any longer. All the better for me then, since it means I’ll have more privacy.  Nevertheless, this blog will not die, because I am still determined to blog about things and events I should hope to remember in the future. But just in case, at least I’ve ‘penned’ it down somewhere.

So anyway, this would be the “thanksgiving of the month” in some sense.

I would like to thank God for…

- helping me have patience this youth camp [IMPACT 09] because it wasn’t easy for me due to 2 young girls I have to take care of.

- saving my life during driving lesson. Though it wouldn’t have been my fault if that lorry crashed into me, since he was the one that drove onto MY LANE as he was turning right , on my left.  Indeed, it just showed me that my life is in God’s hands and no one can take it away except God.

- helping me realise how I’ve settled into CCK as I reflect on the past year, not that i’m totally comfortable or like it’s totally home to me, but at least i’ve reached the point that can be considered as more or less ‘settled’. Thank You Lord for helping me with that

- my results on my first sem. It isn’t what I hoped it’d be, but it wasn’t too bad either. I just have to work harder next sem to pull my CAP up =S

- the chance to see some of the Poiemians again. Though I must say, it’s sad to think that I might only be able to see them every half a year (like how I see Ari every half a year, though prolly not anymore if she gets into NUS MED next year =))

Honestly, the other thing I want to note is, I’ve wasted most of my hols on K pop and Maple. That’s right folks, I started playing again for the heck of it (because I’m too bored) which is really sad because I should have spent the time exercising and honing my drawing abilities or something along those lines. Sigh. No discipline, and just plaaaiiiinn lazy I tells ya. It’s real sad, but I’m not up to changing my ways despite knowing this. Hm. Maybe i need a slap on my backside to wake me up or something.

I really should do better next year for hols, perhaps it’s a good thing I’ll be going on attachment during my ‘summer’ hols. Though I might say different once the attachment starts, so…

Yup, that’s about all I should record down. Seriously, I’m thinking of printing my blog entries and pasting them into exercise books or something. It’d be good to look back at what I wrote every now and then. Until then, I shall leave the old blog hanging around in the internet space. Hah.

So g’night all, not that any of you would be reading this anyway =D “

—–

Then now, of course, like many people will, i shall reflect upon the past year and anticipate this new year.

Well, thinking back to 2009, the first thing i thought about was my relationship with God. It helps that i had to be in church to usher in the new year, makes you think about God first before anything else. Anyway, all i can say is that my relationship with God wasn’t exactly all fire and passion. It wasn’t that i was completely cut off from God or that i stayed away etc. It was more… i don’t know, mundane? quiet? settled? I mean, God definitely was working in my life, it’s pretty obvious, through IGS, through CCK, even in school and during driving lesson. Somehow, although the fire for God isn’t the ‘rah-rah’ kind, i seem to notice Him more in all these places. Or maybe it’s because my idea of being passionate for God means you must be very ‘onz’ and ‘rah-rah’, when it doesn’t have to be?

Anyway, i really thank God for being there for me in 2009. Looking at the New Year’s post i made last year, i totally wasn’t ready for 2009 to happen because of the changes that will take place, whether i like it or not. But this year, i sense i will be molded quite a bit, through the course I’m taking and etc. I may be wrong, but either way, I’m looking forward now to what may come. I look forward to getting to know CCK people better, i look forward to learning a LOT of new things in school (just hope my grades can keep up), i look forward to driving, i look forward to upcoming events.

I don’t really believe in resolutions though, so i will try to think of some and post them another day. I figure this post is long enough, and late enough. Ahahaha.

Well, thinking back on this process, i think the biggest thing God showed me was no matter how repetitive joining events or helping out at events seemed, He is still able to use them to work on me. Although i got kinda sian, and was beginning to wonder if saying “Yes” to such things all the time was worth it, i realise now that yes, it is worth it. Thank You Lord for showing me that.

And this had to happen today. Siighh…

UPDATE (23/11/09):  I realised the last line didn’t fully explain the situation. Ahha. the paper was on the next day. So i only spend the night and the morning itself to study whatever i could. Well, the paper turned out to be not too bad after all. The questions were answerable at least, and the requirement was just explanations, so i could vomit everything I knew onto the paper without thinking much about arguments.

Well, i can’t tell if it’s for real or not (though i believe it is for real), but if it’s true, then God just made our hands to be so amazing.

Although i was prepared to bare the consequences of the take 3 plan, i can’t believe it happened so soon. It’s bad enough that my previous hp went missing on the bus on the way to school on the first day of prelims, now it went missing possibly on the bus on the way to driving lesson. Twice in a row is just such a blow, i dont think i want to use a hp anytime soon. =(

I’ve cried, but whether my hp gets back to me or not i leave it up to God, though i also know it’s up to the person holding on to it. What’s worse was there was low batt, so now i don’t know if it goes to voicemail because someone turned off the hp or it went off on its own.

i’m now going to wallow in my saddness and stupidity. bye.

I wish i was the kind who’d just skip lessons, rather than the kind who has to be bed-ridden to not go to school. oh well, i’m going to stop now, i have a headache

UPDATE(221009): i really have the flu! been resting at home. My breathing passage feels uncomfortable. =S

Yes, Lord, I will continue to listen and obey.

Yes, Lord, I know that it is not by my might or power, but by Your grace and mercy that i can do all things.

I promise to try and rely on You more, rather than rely on my own strength.

Forgive me, Lord, for not having enough faith in You to begin with.

Yes, Lord, I will trust in the reward that You said You will give.

Though, Lord, I’m still wondering what the reward is exactly, and when.

But since Matt 6: 20 popped up,

I’m assuming it’s the reward in heaven at the end of it all.

(Would it be too much to ask for something more tangible? =S)

Nevertheless, i shall continue to dance and sing for You, continue to work with children, continue in the path I have chosen for Uni, and continue to run towards You, with You running beside me. =D

I love You Lord.

Recess week has come to an end. I certainly rested well, the only problem now is that i rested so well that i didn’t manage to catch up very much. =S Hopefully i’ll be able to do so on e-learning week as well. Ahha. Oooh boy. I cannot wait until all my term papers are done and submitted, (none of which i’ve started by the way =S) though i don’t think i will have any chance to relax thereafter. Now that school’s started, i’m missing the holidays kinda.

On another note, i’m putting myself on a self-ban: no more shopping until end of the year! Unless it’s for someone’s birthday present. Even then, i better go with friends so that they can stop me from buying things from myself. Gahhhh. When did i become such a shopaholic! Bad Sarah, bad! I better start some kind of savings system that will prevent me from putting money into my wallet, or look for another tutee. OH well.